The Tums Bum
Last Monday, I saw a guy standing on a street corner holding a sign that read, Severe Heartburn. Need Tums. I watched him for a while and noticed how many people would roll down their window and hand him Tums. The next day, Tuesday, he was in the same spot. Same issue. Same sign. Same result with drivers. This pattern continued on Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday.
The following week, on Monday, I walked up to him and said, “I once had Severe Heartburn too, but not anymore.” The guy replied, “So, can you share your Tums with me?” I told him, “No. You don’t need Tums. You need to be without heartburn.”
He growled, “Dude! I know. Why do you think I’m asking for Tums?”
I replied, “Let me ask you a question. Do you eat the same thing before bed every night?” The guy said, “Listen. I’m on the Oregon Trail, so that means I eat dollar store chili to stay both warm and full.”
I responded, “How about tonight you switch things up? If you don’t eat chili before bed, I’ll stop by at the same time tomorrow and bring you an entire bottle of Tums. Deal?”
The guy perked up and replied, “Of course. Deal.” The next day, I walked up with a bottle of Tums and said, “Here you go.” The guy resounded, “I don’t need those. Only people with heartburn need Tums!”